11 Spoilers for my 15 year-old Self
If I could meet my 15 year-old self, she would be in for a world of surprises, if only she knew. Of course, the ideal thing would be to give her good advise and have her make good decisions early on- and what better way to nudge her straight, than by feeding her life-spoilers, even though they would probably reduce the fun of her experiences by over 200%, hehe). Here are 11 spoilers I'd tell her:
On her identity crisis:
No, you will not be wed to Curtis Jackson also known as 50 cent (rme)
On her love interest at the time:
*Clears throat*, I don't see this guy in our future, not even remotely; like I don't even think you are friends with him on Facebook!
On her future ambitions:
What's a Facebook, you ask? Well....this is going to be good. Grab a pen. We are about to be very....very rich. While the world is still recovering from the "Y2K" supposed- apocalypse, buy a one-way ticket to California, there's this place called Silicon Valley............
On her opinion about mum not understanding her:
Summary: You and mum become best friends and then you literally start acting like her.
On her blind dedication to Arsenal FC:
*Static* Sigh. I would say give up but don't.
On her love for mono-sleeve blouses:
You didn't really think tops with just one full sleeve would stay, did you?
On her relationship with God:
You guys are like best buds and you begin to discover how much you both have in common
The Spoiler about the One:
His name starts with a consonant and a vowel! *insert everlasting mischievous laugh*
On sex:
Everything they say about it is true. It's thoroughly primordial and not cute, don't get hung up on trying to have it till you really should, with the right person.
On writing as a hobby:
Please don't shred and burn our diaries. Please....but I know you will, anyway. I know you don't want anyone knowing what goes on in your head but we write a blog, so there. Get over yourself.
On Self-respect and respect from others:
Respect from others is over-rated. The only respect you need is from us, me and you. Make decisions that make your future self (yours truly) proud of you and I'll ensure I make you proud too ♥️
What spoilers would you tell your 15 year-old self?
ECO102: The Opportunity Cost of Cheating
Definition: Opportunity Cost (Economics)
The loss of potential gain from other alternatives when one alternative is chosen.
Example 1: If one body-con dress from Zara costs $99 and a pair of Badgley Mishka pumps costs $268. What is the opportunity cost of choosing the pumps over 3 Zara dresses in three different colors,if a sales promotion is on for the dresses: buy one get one 40% off?
Answer: *bored face*I don't care, I intend to buy them all and also the chandelier earrings in the corner.
Opportunity cost (OC) was a concept lost on me in Economics class. I intended to be so rich, that I’d have no need for such troublesome math issues. Why would I want to give up one thing for another, when I could conveniently (or inconveniently) have both? I am of the school of thought, which abides by the rule of eating your moist and glorious cake and having it. Who wouldn't want to rip up a priority list and play Candy Crush Saga in an Economics class, when you know all those concepts don't concern you at all?!
However, that isn’t how reality works *sad face*. We have to make choices- the best ones, while weighing options continuously, to obtain optimum satisfaction and the best use of our resources. And not just financial resources but also the resources of time, energy, physical and mental acuity-anything that can be converted into productivity and profit.
Therefore, the concept of opportunity cost can also be applied to most life-decisions we make, and not just for pecuniary causes. For example, there is an opportunity cost for you reading this post, you could easily spend your time doing something else**. There is an opportunity cost for having a quarrel with your spouse or partner, or keeping a grudge; you guys could very well be making out on a raft, while sipping pineapple cocktails in between. And of course, there is the opportunity cost of cheating. When a person chooses to be unfaithful, are the benefits forgone, considered? What potential gain is lost when the alternative of infidelity is chosen? What are they missing out on, by nibbling illegal, glorious cakes in shrouded, dark, air-conditioned hotel rooms?
Before we answer those questions, let's first figure out, why people cheat. Studies show that women cheat as a result of emotional dissatisfaction with their partners while men cheat as a result of sexual dissatisfaction or in search of “variety". Summary, a lot of dissatisfied parties and a need for “variety”!
For some clarity, I will invite you to go back with me to the Stone Age, to gain some understanding to why science believes people cheat and why men seek variety *shrug*.
Men have an inherent biological drive to produce as many offspring as possible. Back then, a man would tend to holler from cave to cave in an attempt to spread his gene pool. Now, at that time the best strategy they could come up with, albeit crude, was to impregnate as many post-puberty women as possible. Women weren't into the monogamous scene either because they received favors from their sexual partners and the fathers of their children and the more wallets flipped open for child support, the better. For the women, their decisions were based on the base-criteria of food and protection, for the men, well, anyone who could give birth to a child worked. For optimal supply of their needs, women and men ran loose on the streets, shopping for as many partners as possible! Staying with one man couldn't produce the highest social responsibility output, neither could staying with one woman produce the highest offspring output!
So it was thus:
Homo Erectus: *grunts and points to self*: Many. Baby. Me
She Erectus: *grunts*: Protect. Food. Me want chicken with side of sweetcorn.
Homo Erectus:*points to woman*: Ok. Boobs. Mine.
She Erectus *points to 6 other men*: Also. Them
Homo Erectus:*points to a group of women*: More. Boobs. Mine. Again. Me have many baby!
She Erectus: Me. Many. Food. And Lion. Not eat me.
It was dysfunctional but simple, men could have multiple partners, women could have multiple partners.
It’s not the same today, as you would notice. These days, Homo Sapiens*** rule the streets.
Shouldn’t we, as Homo Sapiens, who are rumored to have the bigger brains and more comely bone structures and let’s admit it, better looking facial features than the cave men, act the part? Homo Habilis and Homo Erectus worked with basic biological urges, that was their excuse. What's the Homo Sapiens excuse? Habilis and Erectus weren't aware of the concept of opportunity cost (and probably hygiene as well) but we are and are able to make better decisions!
Example 2: What is the opportunity cost of cheating on your significant other(S.O) with the Homo Erectus down the street?
Answer:
1. You have more spending-money
Affairs are expensive and if not uncomfortably expensive, they still impact resources. Now, many people don't mind spending a little side cash here and there for a "good time" and there have been correlations between successful people and a propensity for infidelity (because they can afford it). The interesting specimen though are the middle-class or lower middle-class who cheat! The value forgone when taking her to that hotel or on that 19 hour trip, could be put to better use. Bottom line, you have more cash to go around!
2. You have more energy to expend
Cheating requires so much physical and mental energy. You have to come up with an infallible do-not-get-caught strategy; you have to use your toe-pinkie print as the pass-code to your phone; you have to bribe your driver incessantly to cover your tracks-your driver, who has now bought a pretty flat in the city from your generosity; you have to look your kids in the eyes and ensure they don’t sense your dishonesty and unfaithfulness. It’s just so much work- and the lies-those just keep morphing and multiplying. Conserve your energy, save the planet!
3. You get to visit the same ice-cream shop with 200 flavors to choose from (creative variety)
We established that men cheat sometimes because they seek variety. Here's something you don't hear everyday: Monogamy requires creativity. Having sex with the same person for years, definitely requires that you do some homework to spice things up regularly. If your sex life is boring, it's an opportunity to make it work for the both of you. It's like going to your favorite ice cream shop and having >150 flavors to choose from! No need to cross the street to the other store, when you've been going here for ages and this one knows what you need before you even ask. It gets better, you don't have to pay a dime.
4. You get a life-long bestie and someone to share dentures with
Prudent people don't cheat. It might be all bat-swinging and triathlons now but one day you will grow old and "who's gonna have your back when it's all gone?" *in Shaggy's voice* Stay faithful and play the denture game.
5. Heart peace and an unlocked phone
Imagine a life where your heart doesn't climb into your mouth whenever your wife's fingers graze your phone or a moment when your child is playing a game on your phone and a sext doesn't mistakenly come in. Imagine everything was simpler and you could sleep with both eyes closed, that's what you get when you stay faithful!
6. Productivity and becoming the next Zuckerberg
Less time eating moist, glorious cake, means more time to focus and spend on more useful things, like starting a business or pursuing a dream you've always wanted to. Use your time well!
7. You are able to repair and rebuild as a team
Women, cheating because you aren't emotionally satisfied or because your S.O is broke is probably not your better alternative. Emotions, for one, are so over-rated. There are millions of emotions that come with your side-man and you get the whole package, not just the squishy love bit. Finding ways to fix the emotional deficit in your relationship is less of a hustle and at the end you get the satisfaction of saying, "Hey, we fixed that!"
8. The avoidance of having children with the same proclivity for cheating
It's one thing to want loads of kids, it's another thing to ensure that they are raised with care and sufficient emotional, spiritual and financial support. What Habilis and Erectus didn't know was that it was not about quantity, it was about quality. The cohesive effort of raising wonderful kids with your S.O should be priority-kids who turn out less like the cavemen. Like I asked in this post, how do you prevent your child from being lynched by a group of 17 girls for cheating on them? I guess here's an answer to that: live by example, honor your marital bed and esteem honesty.
*** Word on the Science-streets is that Homo Sapiens are evolving, see what i mean? Not the time to think like Habilis at all. Levels have changed.
**Thank you for choosing our blog over your opportunity cost! We appreciate you spending your time here. Thank you!
What are your thoughts? We'd really love to know!
4 Kid-Habits that are secretly Life-Hacks
Little people are synonymous with the word "unjaded". All they care about is...well, nothing. Their carefree attitudes cause them to have a unique perspective on life and to act in certain ways which we as adults sometimes fail to grasp. I mean, yes, they drive us up the wall sometimes but other times, they are completely wise and so worthy of emulation! Here are 4 habits to hack life with; habits that come naturally to children that we simply must adopt:
Laugh
Children laugh. They laugh over 400 times a day. I'm guessing this is because they don't have any worries, no bills, no Instagram like-scarcity, they definitely don't watch the news, just purple suede dinosaurs and talking moon-faced trains. I'm not sure we'd find 400 events to laugh at in a day as adults. We can fake-laugh though; it's something my niece taught me. Laugh for absolutely no reason!
Ask Questions
A typical 4-year old asks about 437 questions in one day. Lol! Mums and dads can probably testify. I'll be sure to introduce my children to Siri as soon as they can speak or redirect the questions to daddy. I'm joking. I think the reason adults get irritable with all those questions is because we've lost the sparkle of wonder and curiosity....and we are tired half of the time.
We have to re-learn curiosity. Ask questions. Note to self.
Develop Offense-Amnesia
Kids are the best. Have you ever been upset with a child, and then they apologize, but you are still a little upset? Or have you ever made a child cry and THEY come to hug you and apologize? In a flash, they've moved on and started playing with their toys or coloring a picture and showing it to you? There's just a purity about their souls that shouldn't be lost in adulthood either.
Make good decisions
Children do the right thing (well, most of the time). According to a study conducted by the Yale Infants Cognitive Centre, it turns out we are born with the innate ability to make the right decisions. In this study, babies as young as 3 months old, observed two puppet bunnies in a puppet show; one dressed in green, one in orange. The bunny dressed in green was seen helping another toy during the puppet show, while the one dressed in orange was mean to the toy. When asked to choose one, the babies chose the bunny dressed in green(the helpful bunny). The babies chose the "good" bunny! Watching the video, is almost unbelievable. There really is an innate ability to tell right from wrong, to make the right decision.
Make good decisions guided by your innate moral convictions!
Do you have little people in your life? What's the best part about hanging with them? Any life lessons?
14 Better-Me Habits
First, i just want to say if #9 is already a habit, we should be friends. Lol. Here are 14 habits to adopt that help with becoming a more wonderful you. I know. Just when you thought you couldn't be more fabulous. I hope it helps!
- Isolate anger from your decisions
- Spend on experiences not just items
- Celebrate the successes of others close to you, not just a flaccid 'hurray', but really mean it from within
- Tell yourself what you like about you!
- Shoot down all negative thoughts: Remember “Whatever you meditate upon you become.”
- Speak positively about yourself
- Do not complain but be grateful
- Set goals and achieve them
- Lay your bed
- Learn something new
- Visit somewhere new
- Get a pet (animate or inanimate)
- Enjoy what you do
- Do what you enjoy
Which one of these do you do already? What are your personal self-improvement habits?!
Better than the Side Chic
Kids have the "tattletale" code. Guys have the "guy-code". We, girls have the much less popular and less reverent "girl code". It isn't exactly what you would refer to as binding. I assume it's because we, girls do not exhibit the in-group bias*. It's an every-woman-for-herself situation we have going. Men and children definitely defend one another devotedly within their in-groups. Proof 1, my husband never spills about his friends. Proof 2, my nephews and nieces (all below age 7) never tell on each other. Girls, enough said. We need a code! We need to stop gossiping about each other, hating and trying to out-slay one another. Most importantly, we need to stop poaching other sisters' men. Really.
The Man-Poach Ban
Poach(pōch)
intransitive verb
1: to encroach upon especially for the purpose of taking something
2: to trespass for the purpose of stealing game
(Merriam Webster)
If you need to ask whether a man is fair game, he probably isn't. Men hardly leave their wives for mistresses. They all have the same story about how they ended up with the wrong woman, how she's so awful and he's going to leave her. Unfortunately, we can't make men act right. However, we, the women can act right and protect each other by not poaching.
I met this guy one day, during my lunch break at a restaurant close to work (before i was married). There he was, sitting there, attractive, ring-less and he was staring at me. That made me smile.
He obviously took the smile as a 'come on over, brother'. And he did, slow and measured. He had done this before. I could tell. His eyes, dark, locked on me, Yoruba-demon style, confident and sure. It was exciting but it was also mildly unsettling. My pulse throbbed against my tightly fastened watch. This was going to be trouble. I had come to know men and developed a 'bullshit' sensor. The faculty that perceives the external stimuli of BS.
Just to throw him off, I got up to leave (of course I paid the bill), he followed me. Few pick-up lines later, he asked for my number. I said 'No', but said he could give me his [this is the best way to get a guy to leave you alone]. He wouldn't let me go till I promised to call him that evening. I conveniently and intentionally forgot.
The following morning, my C.O.O at work calls me into his office (What?! Why?!; My thoughts). I show up and he says he got a call from one of our clients who met me yesterday (my mind is scrolling fast through my directory of faces from the day before). Then ding, it hit. Restaurant guy! C.O.O then asks me to please establish contact with the client, completely oblivious.
The guy, Collin (not his real name) had called my C.O.O to ask for my full name and my details and now I had to see him on executive orders [He also left his number (again) just for good measure].
I'll admit I was impressed, I felt more than special. He actually went all the way up the organizational ladder to get my attention. It was going to be a disaster. You know that moment when you meet a man who wants a steady relationship and a deep, meaningful thing (bells, whistles, streamers, slow-mo)..... and you know that moment when you meet the "others" (sound of crickets). He was the others, with a crown. So, guards up, sentences short, I called him at lunch time and that was all he needed. He started texting, calling, showing up outside my building once I got off work (he worked like two buildings down), surprise lunches. My friend wouldn't stop gushing about how sexy it was that he called an executive to get me to call him. She couldn't believe i wasn't biting this bait!
Then, not long after, I discovered he was married. Someone at work knew him, it wasn't much of a shocker. All I really could think of was his wife. This is not me being self - righteous but my mind literally put a woman together (complete with painted toe-nails), threw in some kids and some guilt and we had the perfect 'clear-off cocktail'. I cut off completely, lost his number, and blocked his calls (thankfully, we hadn't engaged full social media communication).
It turned out his family was in another state and he worked in my city, occasionally. So, I was to be the silence-filler/bed-warmer/bar-buddy. Well, he never had the pleasure.
He kept calling though. I changed his number to "Don't pick ever" (I was a little dry on wit,i know, I should have been more creative).
It wasn't my problem if his wife was awful, was a demon, was cheating or even Maleficent! They took vows, both of them, not three of us. Maleficent has nice cheekbones, he could suck on that.
We, girls, are so perfect in every way and left-overs just shouldn't do. We are beautiful, smart, sexy, nurturing, loving, creative, cunning (this has its good side), emotional (this also), fun, resilient, devoted, great hard workers, soft but tough, stubborn but yielding, silly but wise. Perfect.
So why be a side-girl? We all deserve a wonderful man, a great life filled with memorable years that take our breaths away. With realizing this comes dignity.
This dignity teaches us to respect the lives and stuff of other sisters.
Your thoughts are completely welcome! Are you trying to get out of an unhealthy relationship, this might help? If you'd like some help, click here!
*in-group bias: means to give preferential treatment to a group you have identified with.
(Previously published on old blogspace)
Look Guys, No Toes!
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There's nothing more exhausting than getting offended, being upset, waiting to be pacified by an apology; then becoming offended again, upset again, loitering in the hall for an apology, then offended again....the cycle is endless..... It's gets more complicated when there are multiple cycles running at the same time. Everyone has the ability to upset you; friends, family, kids, colleagues, strangers (uhmm, strangers the most!). They all come with their little annoying wheels and the moment they annoy you, round the cycle goes.
To be rid of this tiresome cycles, I have decided to stop the silly centrifugal force powering them- my toes. I'm cutting off my toes! Now, no one can step on them. True, I still get upset but not for long. These days, I just look at the person for about 4 seconds, shrug and classify the situation as an code Magenta and I move on. And who doesn't love Magenta.
Here's what triggered this, a while back two people upset me and until recently, I had been waiting around for an apology from these people. When I told them how I felt about their conduct, they provided a counter-argument, defended themselves and well, they never apologized. However, since, i've stopped keeping any record of wrong , plus, the timeline of the offenses were becoming ridiculous, I had to do something about it. I apologized to myself on their behalf, bribed myself and cut off my toes! Who knows when these persons would get around to realizing that what they did to me was wrong. If I was still mad, well, that would be ALOT of anger plaque now, wouldn't it? No time. Words to live by:
✔️Forgive in advance.
✔️Make excuses for people.
✔️Don't wait around for an apology.
✔️Cut off the toes (metaphorically)
✔️When someone comes around with the intent of offending, point down and scream, 'Look, No Toes!'
How do you deal with getting over offenses? I believe there's a world where people just walk around without getting offended and wrong-doings just get dusted off their shoulders. If you live in that world, you seriously need to show us all the way! Comment below! xx If you don't, tell us about your journey there!