pagesbyike 1/30/17 pagesbyike 1/30/17

Why People May Begin To Avoid Bloggers Like They Do Their Weird Uncle Fred

Conversation between my friend and I

Friend: So...I like this girl (sends me photo of girl)

Me: Really?!!! Cool. I know her! She's a blogger too.

Me: Slide into her dm, quickly!

Friend: Right, so she can take a screen-shot of my "sliding in" and blog about it.

Me: *laughing hysterically* How can you even say that? We have some filter! We don't blog about everything!

Friend: Yes, you do. You guys blog about everything!

Me: *pensive* You are right. We do. A little. I'm so blogging about this conversation.

Friend: *laughs* You see...

I know *covering my face*. I didn't want to blog about it, because I'd be validating his very specious, yet very true opinion about bloggers. Still, our conversation relayed to me an important message: People may actually start to avoid bloggers because we keep open diaries accessible by the World Wide Web.

This conversation had me pondering (and stuff happens when I ponder, just letting you know). So the questions began to come; are people more careful around me now because I'm a blogger? Am I suddenly this predatory creature who stalks innocent by-standers and friends for blog posts? Would I eventually be avoided by my friends at events and end up sitting next to their weird Uncle Fred at the reserved people-I-really-want-to-avoid guest table? Should I write about everything I see, hear, feel, taste? Is everything I experience "bloggable"? Where do I draw the line with my blog material and even on social media shareables in general?

Social media was created as a platform to share our opinions and experiences, while simultaneously benefiting from the opinions and experiences of others. Fact: it's completely up to us what we choose to share. However, I just discovered this new thing I call the Social Media Sharing Discernment Filter (SMSDF) or simply, The Discernment Filter (DF), which basically is an awareness of knowing our motives for sharing and having a clear understanding of what to share and what to keep.

You know those times when you are ready to post something, but you take another look at it and delete; or those times when you just want to hide under the covers with a photo or experience you recorded and you just stare and grin at it, and of course, you know the others that you just have to share with the world because you know it'll help or make someone smile. That's you exercising DF, right there, so it's not particularly novel.

It boils down to this: why do we share experiences and publish anyway? What's the motive? Whatever it is, whether it's to share our privileges and experiences with the world, or to encourage others or make them smile or to make sport of a guy in love. It's important that our motives are in line with our values and we are sensitive to the feelings of other people, as well as sensitive to the apparent beauty of privacy(post for another day).

Right, so more questions: Should we publish everything we consider shareable? Probably not, but that's completely up to the user. Should my blogger-friend make a screen-shot of her slide-in? Maybe. Maybe not. Some slide-ins though. Epic. LOL! I should share, but I'm exercising D.F. Hehe. Should my friend slide in, regardless? Yes! Don't let social media screen-shots and memes frighten you into not taking a chance. Take that chance!

If all goes well, and my friend slides in and D.F is employed, I just might be attending a wedding soon. If screen-shots are taken, however and D.F takes the backseat, well, that would be one more blogger ushering us to sit next to weird Uncle Fred at the people-we-really-want-to-avoid guest table. It's a cold, cold, dark place.

What are your thoughts? I'd really love to know. Are there times you keep some memories to and for yourself? Are you an avid sharer and think a filter is unecessary?

P.s: Special Thanks to my friend who permitted me to use our conversation in this post!

pagesbyike 6/13/16 pagesbyike 6/13/16

7 Things Every Career Girl Should Know

Hello, Monday! There's no better time to evaluate your career goals and understand what areas need a little boost, than a Monday in June! We need to get on track before July gets in, you know how July gets, scaring us with its-second-half-of-the-year-what-do-you-have-to-show-for-it reputation.

Right below are some important skills and career building tips that every career girl needs to know. Hurry, before July gets in! Here goes:

1. Value your work and skills in those heels

We work pretty hard but how much do we value our skills?

"Yeah, well, I'm great with CAD."

"I can build a website in my sleep." *shrug*

"So what if I can make 700 plates of party lunch plates in three hours."

"I take care of our home, run errands and take care of the kids. I wish I had a real job."

"I speak 4 languages but bleh..."

So many women have skills and they should be celebrated (which is why we have PGI girls!)! We should value our accomplishments and skills. True, there's always room to learn some more and to improve but value should be placed on that which we have accomplished and the tasks we achieve on a daily basis.

2. Negotiate circles around anyone

I understand some systems do not support equal pay between both genders but for some of us who have the opportunity to negotiate pay, we sometimes cower. Here's the fact, men negotiate pay. It's the fact.

When Ed negotiates, I cringe but he usually gets what he wants and I don't...I just get more wrinkles from cringing. Men are more likely than women to negotiate pay. As women, we are a little bit bashful about asking for more. Asking for more is a risk and studies show that women are more risk-averse than men. That maybe the reason, it may also be that we just don't value our skills enough to put a good value on it (see #1). You have to ask for more, to get more. There are no pink ponies and shimmery wands in the real world, and no one is going to drop extra cash on your lap until you ask! Ask for more!

3. Shop for a mentor

Hey, girls, so mentors! It turns out that females hardly get mentored and this is a three-pronged problem. Prong #1 There are far less women in managerial positions than men and so there are less female mentors to start with. Prong #2, some women in authority sometimes feel insecure and might feel like other female subordinates might be out to get their positions, so the ones who ask to be mentored only get very leveled teaspoons of advice and mentoring. No one is trying to still your job, Ma'am. Well, maybe some are, but others just want to learn. Help the younger women. Prong #3 Younger women hesitate before asking for mentoring, assuming the senior colleagues don't have the time or that they come across as bothersome. Reach out to your mentor-crush first, and if you get shut-down, move on to the next.

4. Recommend people for positions

A female superior is less likely to recommend a subordinate for a position according to this study. This study by the Harvard review shows that men are more hands on with their mentoring, they help to plan their career moves and empower their mentees in new roles! It's not quite the same with women. Women in power need to mentor and pull more women up the ladder.

*Who you epp?*

5. Keep your home separate from your work as much as possible

The first thing I learnt in business school was this; your client doesn't care if you've had a bad day. Get it done. Honestly, your boss doesn't care, your client, customer. No one cares. Get it done!

OK, so you have a great boss and he does indeed care. It doesn't matter, act like he doesn't. At first, I thought this was a little harsh, slowly i discovered that it teaches you to be professional in your dealings, to execute tasks promptly and to show results. If you have excuses, leave them at home. If your child is sick, tell it as it is and get time off work. Don't get someone to sign in for you and then not show up.

Also leave your work at work. Finally, that double life you always dreamed of!

6. Go the extra mile, still in those heels

There is always an extra mile, right after the publicly-proclaimed finish line. I learnt this from one of my classmates from school. She dotted all i's, crossed all t's, intersected all x's; her work was always of superior quality and it stood out because she chose to do more than expected! Go the extra mile.

7. Don't be afraid to ask for help

Girl-pride is great during empowering ladies' nights and karaoke renditions of "Independent Women", however, when it comes to achieving your career goals and contributing to your organization's objectives, it's a good idea to ask for help when you need to. Find a mentor within you company or industry, someone who can give you guidance for your task. If there's no one suitable, ask questions! Ask the people on your team for help. If need be, call a meeting and have a constructive problem-solving session. Don't feel like people are going to stare at you like you know nothing. People will always stare and judge, that's OK. When they are done, they will peel their eyes off you and stare at someone else. Ask questions, please. Gather information and execute your duties like you were made for it!

I hope this helped! Please don't forget to share! Thanks. What steps are you taking this month to launch that awesome career off the ground?!